October 31, 2012

For the last few days, my wife, my daughter, and I have been one of those 750,000 people in lower Manhattan without power or running water. We are getting by, thanks in part to the fact that my wife teaches at New York University, which has its own power generating facility that they’re using to light up a few of their buildings. (I’m sitting in her department, working with spotty internet service, so pardon me if I don’t look up absolutely everything.)

We keep hearing wildly divergent reports of when the power will come back, Friday, Monday—maybe you know better than I do. I will say that, that with our apartment suddenly having become a 15-story walk-up, it can’t be soon enough for me. Also that I have been wishing heartily that three years ago, we had chosen to get a cat instead of a dog.

I know that things have been happening out there in sports land. Heard that San Francisco trashed Arizona on Monday night. I know the NBA opened its season last night (Tuesday). Well, that’s great, but pardon me for being a little distracted.

The Knicks and Nets were supposed to begin their epic battle for the heart and soul of the city on Thursday night in the spanking new Barclays Center in downtown Brooklyn. Our building’s super tells me that’s been postponed.

Anyway, I do want to get a few theories about Hurricane Sandy out there:

1) It was all the Wrath of Kaline, with the Tigers Hall of Famer getting so enraged at the the team’s lousy play that he went all Ricardo Montalban with the Genesis machine. The big problem with this theory is that the storm left the West Coast unaffected.

2) The people at Taco Bell got nervous that they would have to give out so many free Doritos Locos tacos courtesy of Angel Pagán’s stolen base during Game 2 of the World Series, that they decided to put their restaurants in the most populous swath of the country out of service during the mission-critical hours of 2 to 6 p.m. on Tuesday.

Just one more point I’d like to make. I am 100% positive that the last couple of nights, some dipshit sportscaster somewhere said something to the effect of how the disaster “reminds you that there are more important things” than the MNF game or season opener for the Lakers or the high school football game or the Boca Raton seniors jai alai championship or whatever it is you happen to be watching on ESPN or NBC Sports Network.

Making that statement means that it’s okay to forget that sports aren’t the most important thing in the world and to require reminding.

All right. I’m obsessive about sports, but never once have I thought to myself, “The World Series is more important than the drought in the Midwest because more people care about it. Sure, the drought affects people much more intensely, but so what?”

But in solving the drought, did they need to go this far?

“Pardon the Interruption,” by Bill Vourvoulias.

From “Shelter From the Storm,” the October 31, 2012, issue of V as in Victor.

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